Singapore

I am sick. Sick-sick. Not Cold-sick. I-want-to-die-sick. This is melodramatic. The self-pity reached its peak when I fell asleep on the table-bed-thing covered in butcher paper at the Health Center. I imagined myself as a steak. I would have welcomed a cleaver or tenderizer. I couldn't open my eyes and was angry when the nurse came in and forced me to sit up. Can't you just wrap the paper round me, tie me with twine and be done with it?

She was the motherly sort, and I warmed up to her quickly. She complimented my breathing when she held the stethoscope to my chest; she brought me Cheese Crackers with Real Cheese Filling, Tylenol and a Shasta Twist in a very small can to wash it all down. She told me should would do all she could to keep the cost of prescriptions low. I cringed--I had forgotten about that part. The nurse wrote out a four-hour plan for me, alternating between Tylenol and Advil. Just cross it off each time you take them, but make sure you alternate. Your kidneys could fail. My scared expression made her change the subject.

It should be a bacteria infection. We'll do 2 decongestants and a Z-Pac. I don't want to do too many antibiotics. They'll give you a rash if you have mono. It could be mono; it could be strep. It's too early to tell. My desperate expression made here change the subject. Just wash done those Tylenol with this soda. Feel better.

Hours later, back in my room, I have my life set up--all within arms reach. I am nestled into my comforter, books and Ben, my favorite stuffed animal, piled beside me. I think of the Velveteen Rabbit and put Ben on the floor. He is now surrounded by pill bottles, tissues (new and used) and socks. He is lonely, but I tell him that it is for the best.

I have taken my first round of antibiotics/nasal blah-blahs/pain killers. After spraying the Nasal Mist into my nose, I read the label. Product of Singapore. I thought of the fizzy liquid soaking into my sinuses, spreading through my body. I thought of the lead-paint fiasco that got toys recalled. I imagined spraying led paint into my nostrils. Well, at least the nurse told me how to keep my kidneys from failing.