Take your protein pills and put your helmet on
(Ten) Ground control (Nine) to major Tom (Eight)
(Seven, six) Commencing countdown (Five), engines on (Four)
When my family planned vacations, as soon as the date was set, my sister and I sat down with our ruler and markers. We counted the days until our departure and made countdowns.
When we went to Disney World, the countdown started well past 100. For that period of more than three months, the first thing we did each morning was nick a number off. Now, after a while it was hard for me to look at all of the inconsistent slash marks. I had to really fight the urge to re-write the thing, but it was important that we remember where we came from. Having only 49 more days was a lot better when you could see the 120 days you'd made it through.
Each day, Joe asks me several questions.
How many days until we're married? Today, there are 158. The first step of my wake-up process is taking one more number off of the reminder saved on my laptop's desktop. We started somewhere around 500--from December 26, 2008 to August 7, 2010.
When this semester started, our outlook changed. We were in the Year of the Marriage. We could count and understand what the numbers really meant. We could take the next steps for ordering dresses and printing invitations. Things were "set in stone" and real decisions were made.
How many days until I see you? This one varies. After the five hour drive home from a weekend together, we're both itching to figure out when our next visit is.
When I messed up my car and mixed up our Valentine's Day plans, it was a whole different kind of upsetting. We weren't just missing the holiday or a friend's get-together: I was tossing us unto a Limbo; we didn't know when we'd pull our lives back together to make the drive.
Then I remembered it's my last semester; I'll graduate no matter what (because I'd never fail a class). So, I skipped several assignments I'd been planning for the weekend, passed them off to Monday and drove to St. Louis the next weekend.
How many days until you graduate? Ok, so he's not that interested in my graduation, really, but my graduation means the start of two weeks together. Those two weeks are then followed by our last summer apart. We're good at summers. After being completely cut off from most communication in France, I feel like we can survive anything those measly months can toss our way.
Oh, and the number is about 67, according to a girl in my class that keeps a better countdown on that than I do. I don't like that number. It makes me feel like I should already be packing to move out of my house.
And then there are the hard numbers floating in my head each day. The ones that make me anxious, make me stay in each weekend, make me sound angry at you when we speak on the phone. This is a list, more a visual aid for me than of any interest to you. I apologize in advance and thank you for sticking with me to this point:
- 10 page research paper: The Bell Jar and the controversy that is Sylvia Plath
- 10 page research paper: le rôle des femmes dans L'Amant par Marguerite Duras
- 10 page paper: analysis of a public relations campaign
- final presentation and group project I really need to work on: planning a PR campaign for Eldenware and presenting it two weeks after the analysis paper
- edit my thesis (wow, I've had that one going for a long time)
- file my information for a visa for France
- 4 exams coming up that I've chosen not to think about or study for yet--can't wait till Wed!
So all set out there on the table, the final projects and midterms (forget thinking about finals--for. get. it.) don't look too bad. Small bites. I'm caring less and less about the four papers I write each week, thinking about these projects instead. I'm caring less and less about these projects as Real Life gets closer.
I'm breathe, breathe and pushing through this last semester, when four years will give birth to these two degrees that will, God willing, get me into graduate school. Funny. I thought that high school was preparation for college, which was preparation for a job. Now I'm adding at least two more "preparation" steps...
How else can I get out of a Real Job? Bring it on, Teach for America/AmeriCorps/Peace Corps. Because I'm still in the countdown phase of my life. I'm sure it will be different in four years, after our time in France and my stint in graduate school, but for now I am not ready to live without the countdown. I'm not ready for a career that stretches into the days endlessly before me.
(Three, two) Check ignition (One) and may gods (Blastoff) love be with you
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