60/90, talking

I've been building up today for a while now. I had my last weekend away until graduation. I'm not settled in Muncie, in a room that is more bare than when I first moved in. I've been gradually packing up my life.

I've made a Last Month To-Do list, which is an overwhelming thought, but I'm getting better at the small bites. Even as I say this, I'm fighting the urge to bounce to another open tab and start searching for summer clothing or looking at Paris attractions instead of typing here.

I've promised to cut sugar out of my diet (with the exception of chocolate chips in my pancakes). Now, as I type this, I'm thinking about the miniature Reese's cups that I got for Easter.

My nose is running, then bleeding, then just leaving an irony scent in my nose that fills my mouth and leaves me nauseous. I don't want to eat. I don't want to drink. I want to sleep, wait for the sun to rise and lay in my yard.

This is not writing. This is not even blogging. This is thinking, and it's getting old. It's getting to be tired content on this blog, but I've run out. Yesterday, I had a real thought. I type that and it felt nice. It's too early for thinking, for real story telling. I consider opening the book I bought this year, the one I found on the shelf for a journalism course when buying my text books.  Telling True Stories. Instead, I keep typing.

I made Earl Grey tea this morning. This is a decision I can really feel good about. I'm determined to break myself of my caffeine addiction.

Now, I'm a coffee snob to my core. I am in no way saying that I am giving up my beloved beverage of choice. I'll never go without coffee. In fact, I've been reading an increasing number of studies that say a moderate amount of caffeine while pregnant is acceptable, just not while breastfeeding. This has made me a much bigger fan of children and a much smaller fan of breastfeeding.

So. Day One. "Studies say" that caffeine first thing in the morning is bad for you. It messes up the acidity of your body, creates a mess in your stomach because it can't soak into food you've been munching on throughout the day. I'm waiting until at least 10 a.m. to have coffee. I am trying not to drink it when I'm tired.

I realize that black tea has caffeine, but I'm feeling like the small percentage in a cup versus the amount in four cups of coffee, and the soothing nature of tea, will promote a yoga-peaceful state of mind and not screw up the acidity of my insides. We'll see if I can make it through the midmorning caffeine migraine.

The reward: A cup of coffee on my 12:15 break from classes. It's five hours. I can do it.