68/90, produce

I will never get over it, the wasted plastic that covers every bit of produce I buy. I have said to anyone who will listen that I am dying for the day when I'm back in a Farmers Market community, growing real food in real soil and not putting it in plastic bags in larger plastic bags with shrink wrap and twist-ties to take it home.

I grabbed a few groceries yesterday, most of it produce–and most of it placed on a styrofoam tray and shrink-wrapped. Ignoring the environmental travesty, it is a storage space travesty. Living with three other girls means that I have almost half a shelf and half a crisper drawer in the fridge. That means step one when I get home from the story is UNpackaging everything.

I got through the asparagus, guacamole and bananas (which are the worst and deserve a post all their own). It was time to free the English cucumber.

This poor guy was shrink wrapped, and the shit was clinging so tightly that every time I tried to rip it, I took off a bit of his flesh, too. The wrap would peel off in thin strips like some horrible sausage casing–and believe me, I know what that's like. Fighting food casings has been a lifelong battle. Please never ask me to eat a bratwurst.

Now, I know that we've picked up on the phallic undertones here. So to get the full effect, I suggest that you go to the store, preferably Meijer when they have their 10 for $10 sale (always includes English cucumbers). Then bring it home, stand in your kitchen and try to peel it.

Then thank God that condoms are not made from whatever horrible plastic wrap substitute these things are stuck in. I mean, to get that shit off I had to have the cucumber pressed against my stomach, wiggle it and tear the plastic to shreds. It's as horrible as you're imagining.

So give it a go and thank Trojan.