85/90, life, a little bit

I got behind on my blogging, my work and my assignments this weekend (the 2.5 that are left). But I got way ahead on my life.

Over the last seven to 14 days I had been stuffing my life into boxes, reusable grocery bags, trash bags and laundry sacks. Today, I'm laying on a futon mattress in the middle of my bedroom with a milk crate, a hamper and a collapsible chair. The makings of Our First Apartment are now safely stored in my parents' attic.

Moving my things home yesterday, I realized how long I'd actually been in college, how much I'd changed as a person and how little time I have left as a not-completely-independent-but-trying person.

I laugh more than I used to. I make more jokes than I used to. Somewhere over the course of college, I realized that I love talking in front of people–the nerves that come before it, the trust an audience puts in you, the organization it takes to make your point. At that same point, I'm assuming, I started using my sarcasm to make my family laugh.

I still completely hate attention and will blush the second my dad asks me to do an English accent or get awkward and uncomfortable when people ask what Joe and I are doing after we graduate. I still blush each time I'm asked to speak in a French class or talk about my writing. Joe's writing, on the other hand, I'll brag about all day.

I'm more liberal, surprisingly, than I was when I got here. I had a moment of the weekend where I felt like I'd become too much of a feminist to be a Christian. I then laughed at myself for confusing the rules man puts on religion with the goals and mission of Christianity. I'm pretty sure that eating that apple didn't make everything our fault, and I'm pretty sure that God's in agreement.

Maybe these two examples of change that I felt this weekend seem small, but moments kept coming up this weekend, showing me how comfortable I am with these two parts of myself. I realized that that has been the biggest change. I've come to really like the person I am (or the person I'm learning to be). I like being liberal and flexible with my career choices and desperately trying to learn French.

I'm starting to really like the life I've set up for myself. A lot of that requires liking uncertainty. A lot of it requires patience. These are two requirements that I have notoriously lacked (mostly the patience), but I've never stopped working towards it. Now, when people ask what Joe and I will do when we return from France and we say we're not exactly sure where we're moving, I'm exhilarated. I'm ready to move and move on, ready to try anything and sure that wherever I'm put is exactly where we're supposed to be at that time.